Another Failed Romance

Almost immediately after my last post about Bad Muthafuckaz, oddly enough, I spent the last 6 months dating another one. Highlights of our relationship include sex, drugs, gambling, guns, theft, violence & infidelity... *swoon* every girls dream, right? He, like the others I talked about, also had me pegged for a rather naive individual, which ultimately resulted in our relationship failing... well, that, and he decided it would be okay in the midst of our 50th breakup in 6 months to throw me around his hotel room like a ragdoll. I ended up pulling his own loaded gun on him just so he would let me leave. I might take more shit from the men I date than most people would, but putting hands on me will never be something I'll let myself live with. My mama raised me better than that, and I'm somebody's mom... my son doesn't need to see me shoot and kill somebody he saw as a Daddy figure because he wanted to establish his dominance in a violent way. I'm smarter than that. Don't get me twisted though, he never hit me, but my Mother used to tell tales of her abusive first marriage, and made sure I knew very young that it starts with something like a heated shove into a wall or slap across the face, and when you take them back because they're so, so, SO sorry, the next line they cross goes a little further than that, and so on and so on until before you know it, you're fighting for your life... and I'll never let that happen to me.

I had a lot of love for that man, but it was a toxic relationship, and it had to end. I gave it my best shot, but it didn't seem to be going anywhere good. I could throw him under the bus all day telling you everything wrong with him and everything he did to me that hurt me & was unjustifiable... but not only would that take too long, it'd be pointless. He wasn't all bad. He wasn't a monster, and I'm not totally innocent myself. I believe he did give it the best shot he knew how to, and unfortunately, it just wasn't enough to overcome all the negative stuff. I do have a hell of a lot of random, wild stories from the experience though, which I'm sure will come up in passing conversation in life and on here. I'll always try to remember the good in him & the sweet things he did for me, but I'll never forget the bad long enough to go back.